Police Blotter

I'm absolutely terrible about checking one particular email account I've had for a while. Thus I totally missed this wonderful message passed on to me from a friend and former roommate almost 2 months ago. . . bad, bad me.

And anyone who knows me also knows they can't escape stories of the Yak or the Burg. Such is life.

I present one entry of the Police Blotter for the Burg, from 30 - 31 May. My favorite one is the 12th one down....

• A Smithson Road resident reported finding cattle in his yard.
• A man from New York was acting strangely and refused to accept his $50 in change after all his credit cards were declined and was forced to pay cash at a Main Street business.
• Someone smashed a car window of a vehicle parked at a Pine Streetrecreational center.
• A large black pig was running down Wilson Creek Road.
• An angry man accompanied by a young boy was making religious statements for several hours in front of a building on Walnut Street.
• A concerned citizen reported that a Rainier Street resident of Kittitas was not watering or feeding three dogs.
• A Juniper Avenue resident reported that a man came into her residence while she and her roommate were sleeping.
• A Parke Creek Road resident was bit by a dog.
• An argument on Seattle Street was reported.
• A Reecer Creek Road resident reported that her neighbor was refusing to prevent his cattle from destroying her property.
• A Walnut Street resident reported seeing a man and a woman walk into her apartment.
• A Mellegard Road resident reportedly suffered eye and leg lacerations after her sister punched and threw her down in a dispute over property.
• Someone drove away without paying for $63.36 in gas pumped at a Canyon Road business.
• A Robinson Canyon Road resident reported finding five horses in her yard and another seven were on Thorp Highway.
• An officer unwrapped a puppy that was tangled and choking on its leash on Second Street in Cle Elum.
• A domestic dispute involving a man on top of a car parked on McDonald Road was reported.
  
• A group of people were arguing on Third Avenue.

You can't make this stuff up, people.

A Home for DVDs, or not.

As I haven't designated an appropriate movie area in my living room, all my movies have been living in a box. While rummaging through the guest room closet (main storage area #1) I came across said box. I realize that allowing others to view your movie collection is almost as important as allowing them to view your music selection, warts 'n all. Yes. Yes, I might have something ferreted away by Brian Adams. Yes, I may enjoy the song "Cuts Like a Knife." What of it? Anyway, I found the movie box entertaining, particularly the stacked nature of it; it's almost as if the piles of stacked movies somehow illuminated portions of my psyche like answers to a Rorschach inkblot test. Thus I present one pile from the box... one of 3, mind you.

• Benny & Joon
• The Long Kiss Goodnight
• Hope Floats
• Big Fish
• Sense & Sensibility
• The Commitments
• Deadwood, Season 1
• Deadwood, Season 2

Think what you like.

a weekend and post of ramblings

Interesting picture, no? Last weekend I made it up to PDX with the BCC to check out a concert, buy a book, and go to a county fair. Throw in a tour of many areas of Portland and you get FANTASTIC!

Patty Griffin was wonderful in concert. That woman can Sing. She also has the interesting ability to write "happy" songs that are ridiculously depressing, but in a good way. I had a much greater appreciation for her this second go-round (I saw her with the fam a few years ago when she was the opening act for the Dixie Chicks on their Fly tour). The crowd was really enthusiastic, she was appreciative, you could buy bottles of wine and take them wherever, and only occasionally did the breeze remind you of the fact that you were at a zoo, surrounded by animals and their very animal smells.

The book. THE book. We (E, C, E's cousin and friend) waited in line at Powell's in downtown Portland for 2 hours to get our copies of the last Harry Potter. Yes. We are nerds. Yes. It was totally worth it. I'm avoiding the book like the plague so I don't read it all in one sitting. I want to savor it morsel by tiny morsel. We got hopped up on sugar before we ambled on down to get in line. TWO hours later, Victory Was Ours! Err, uh, yeah. Unfortunately, this particular victory resulted in a sort of Harry Potter Hangover the following day. I'm a nerd! I don't stay up until 3:00AM. Are you kidding me?

Yes, uh, so. Saturday we made our way to the world of C and E. One the Agenda: county fair and rodeo. I'm such a sucker. Fair. Grease. Mullets. Mustaches. Rodeo! The main attraction, as if the heretofore mentioned things weren't enough, was alllllllll the animals: bunnies, chickens, goats, pigs, horses, cows. Did I mention the bunnies? The rodeo was great. People ridin' horses as fast as jackrabbits. People with fake southern accents like you ain't never heard before. And don't forget, Yeeeee HA! we got alotta patriotism 'cause we're the number one country that god ever did bless. That is why the world loves us and everyone wants to be an American. Let's give a hand to those little ladies, those rodeo princesses sure do a fantastic job, don't they folks..... uh. Sorry. Got a bit carried away with the rodeo bit. Caught up in the spirit.

Anyhoo, the weekend was great. Many thanks to the BCC, friends, and family for their hospitality.

Plates 'n Daemons

Such things to report... Last weekend I had the great, good pleasure of meeting the Parental Unit and the sister up in P-town for a ginormous antiques and collectibles show. I managed to resist this Benjamin Franklin doll. I think Lincoln would have appreciated his presence, but Nixon probably would have started cussing and calling him a francophile. I did, however, get a great deal on some turquoise-blue Fire King plates. Most excellent.

The plates themselves made their debut with a visit from the always stylin' Chris and Becky, as well as Adam, resplendent in tie. Jeff, you were missed. Mmmm, the dinner.... Pulled pork, people! Hallelujah! We also all took a test from The Golden Compass movie site to figure out what our Daemons were. My Daemon is a Jackal named Calanon.... a Jackal for a Daemon and a Sea Otter for my corporate animal spirit (as determined by Ana). Most interesting. Anyone who has read any of the Dark Crystal series by Philip Pullman should check out this beautifully done site.

That is all for now.

From the Archives: Ju-Ju Cling-On

So, this weekend is the Country Fair. I shan't be in attendance this year which is perfectly fine with me. This month I also hit the one year mark for blogging... that means a year of 5 other people reading my drivel. Huzzah! To mark this auspicious occasion I thought I would highlight a personal favorite of mine, the tale of the country fair and the woman with mad-dog eyes who reads peoples' auras. Enjoy.
_____________________________________

Ah, the Country Fair.

Are there really words to describe the panoplies of people and things? How does one encapsulate a parade of some cross-dressing individuals conga-ing all around, dust from the dry dirt hovering in the air like some cough inducing fairy dust. Or there was the accepted nudity, the high water mark being an overweight older man resplendent in bumble-bee inspired body paint. The dust, body odor, and patchouli swirling in the air created a heady hippy mixture. I, however, was mostly driven to dry-heaving through coughs by the end. And the older generation of hippies claim it is too Corporate now. The Dead, praise Jerry Garcia, would never show up for an impromptu midnight concert with the current state of things. Perhaps the best way to get at the Country Fair is to give a brief snippet of conversation...

Setting: Visiting Friend X who was working a booth, accompanied in the visit by Friend Y. Introduction of Unique Woman Z as follows.
Friend X: Hey, thanks for stopping by! This is my dear friend Unique Woman Z.
Me: Hi, nice to meet you. This is my Friend Y.
----- Unique Woman Z stops just before she gets her first word out and stares, eyes locked on target.-----
Unique Woman Z (UWZ) to Friend Y: Did anyone ever tell you that you have great ju-ju?
----- Friend Y stares at UWZ, unsure of an appropriate response.-----
UWZ: I have an eye for ju-ju. I remember seeing you here last year. I don't know what it is... you've got great ju-ju.
Friend Y: Thanks.... err, that's nice to hear, I think...

What was particularly great about this conversation as it continued down the thoroughfare in much the same way (UWZ: I really think we should be friends. You've got great ju-ju.), was that I was there but clearly not of enough import to even warrant a ju-ju comment. I was clearly the ju-ju cling-on, if you will, attached to my friend's glowing aura in a disgusting and perhaps slightly smelly manner. This whole scene was vastly entertaining as my Friend Y has been the recipient of multiple remarks on her similarity to a unicorn. The individuals who bestow the unicorn comment upon her clearly mean it as a compliment, though if one starts to ponder the comparison to a horse the compliment could lose some meaning. In all seriousness, they could very well be saying, "Hey baby, you got some great haunches." I believe UWZ would not hesitate to compare me to Lord Voldemort of Harry Potter, who survives for a time from a potion of unicorn blood and snake venom. But perhaps the comparison is too corporate. So it goes.

Things I Want....

... a small list in no particular order:

• a magical pint of perpetual half-n-half that never runs out
• a magical stock of coffee beans that never runs out
• the roast of my magical coffee beans automatically changing with my mood
  
• days of vacation
• happy endings
• best case endings if a happy ending isn't necessarily an option
  
• happy beginnings
• cool weather for pulled pork day

beach fun

Huzzah! Some wonderful friends came down to Orygun last weekend and I had the great pleasure of meeting them beach-side. Given my work schedule and general lack of time off, many moons passed and many conversations were held over the phone since I last saw them. Too long since I saw them, too short a visit.

Also seen this weekend... Blades of Glory at the $1.50 theater. It was uh....., funny and entertaining. Basically a terrible, funny movie. The unusual level of laughter from a gentleman seated behind us at inappropriate points (meaning, nothing in the realm of funny was happening on-screen) confirmed our interpretation. Blades of Glory is perhaps one of the gayest homophobic movies ever made. The dude behind us had the crazy laugh of a highly suppressed man and made sure to leave a seat between him and his buddy. And I must leave it at that for someone to tell me otherwise as I have to go to work.

Finis.

Issue with Security People #29483-9f

Oh, the pant-twisters of the world. Grab the belt and twist from left to right and right to left. Show what little authority you have with all yer pant-twisin' might. And when you're done pant-twisting, climb on to your Segway (don't forget the bike helmet!!) and start to make your rounds. Say witty things once up on the Segway like, "safe for another day." Cut off phone conversations with a stern and abrupt, "This conversation is over." Then say it again because the person on the other end of the line can't see your free hand move automatically down to your belt in the now unconscious act of pant-twisting. Next, close the cell phone with huffy authority and look for sympathy from the person who must subject themselves as well to the ridiculous notion that you have any actual authority.

Yes, the security people were in high alert mode when I tried to get back into the building yesterday. Pant-twisting and escorts. I obviously bring danger with me where ever I go.

4th of July Hangover

Make no mistake, at no point was alcohol consumed yesterday. The hangover, perhaps coma is a bit more apropos, was the product of ingesting crap in vast quantities throughout the afternoon yesterday. Ruffles with ranch dressing were the main instigator. The banana pudding with Nilla wafers certainly helped move things along. Perhaps we were all close to a diabetic coma? Looking back on it, those were the only two things that were really out of the norm. Hmmmm..... methinks there's so much crap in today's food we're all a candy bar away from Supersize Me.

In other new, the BCC and I have had two (count them, one. two.) movie viewings in the last two days. We went and saw Waitress on Tuesday night and Sicko yesterday. They were both quite good. Waitress, on so many levels, was fantastic.

Praying Mantis + Basil

It seems that I have a new neighbor.... a baby praying mantis has taken up residence on my patio. This lil' thing loves to eat the basil. Really, who can blame it? I'd love to keep the tiny insect around, I just don't want it to eat my basil. I'm open to suggestion.

In other news, you can go to the web and vote for Springfield, Oregon, to host the opening of The Simpson's Movie. Do it.